Ask CHOPPER!
by onepiece fanatic
Summary: okay, title says all i guess... please just read the intro and try it! rated T for language
1. Intro: MUST READ!

IGNORE THE TITLE!!!!

This is a column starring our FAVORITE little tonokai!! IT IS NOT LIMITED TO QUESTIONS!! Hell, this is for everything you've ever wanted to say/do/well… also ask I guess, Chopper. Example by me follows below:

* * *

OPFan: CHOPPER YOU ARE SO KAWAII!! LET ME HUG YOU TILL YOU DIE OF SUFFUCATION!!

**Chopper: AH! 'runs away screaming' AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! I DON'T WANT TO DIE LIKE THAT!! And I'm not cute, you asshole! 'happy dance'**

OPFan: 'hearts' YOU ARE SO KAWAII WHEN YOU DO THAT DANCE!!!

* * *

So yeah, you get the idea. Just whatever random stuff you've ever wanted to do or ask or say to Chopper, it's right here!!


	2. Edition 1

**OPFan: Yosh, Chopper! Ready to get started?!**

… **I think…**

* * *

Choppy-chan,

1)do you ever shed your antlers, or are they horns?

2) how does your incrediably smexy hat stay on so perfectly all of the time?

t3) my friend abby wants to know if you'll marry here...(believe me, i have no clue either, and i mean, what would an adorable deer such as yourself want with a ditzy blond like her? lol, ...ow! I just got smakked!

Love from,

Sanouske S. Sagara

**Dear Sanouske S. Sagara,**

**My antlers? Nope, I haven't shed them since I ate the Hito Hito no Mi… must be some sort of side effect… 'mumbles to self looking up something in a book'**

**OPFan: um, Chopper? Sorta can't do that right now!**

**Oh, right! 'reads second question' My hat? It just stays on… and what does 'smexy' mean?**

**OPFan: NO! YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW THAT! STAY INNOCENT CHOPPER!!!**

'**backs away from OPFan slowly' **

**OPFan: You still have one more question to answer!**

'**reads question' Abby? That's a nice name… EH? MARRY HER?! 'starts running around screaming' MARRIAGE?!?! HUH?! WHAT?! WH- 'runs into the wall' ow… my nose…**

**OPFan: You need to take a chill pill**

**Huh? I've never heard of chill pills before. Are they some sort of medic-**

**OPFan: It's an EXPRESSION**

**Oh…**

**Thanks for writing!**

* * *

CHOPPY-KUN! 'tackles' I LOVE YOU!! XD  
Ok, sorry about that! Here are my question to you!

Did you know where I can get your hat? I know you got it from your dad and stuff, but I really want one! XD

I love you so much so please answer back soon!

- Luna-chan

**Dear Luna-chan/ lunalove101**

**AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! 'dodges the tackle' DON'T KILL ME!!**

**My hat? No, you can't have it! 'pulls it down so far onto his head that his whole head disappears' 'muffled' oo cn't hab it!**

**OPFan: She was asking where she could GET one, Chopper. Not steal yours.**

'**peek' Really? Oh, well that's okay then… I guess if you ever visit Drum Island, there might be another one if you look hard enough! 'smiles adoreably'**

**Thanks for writng!**

* * *

Dear Chopper the Kawaii Reindeer,

What does the cross on the front of your hat mean?

From,

Mr. Thumbsup, who is currently trying to resist hugging you

**Dear Mr. Thumbsup,**

**SHUT UP ASSHOLE! I'M NOT CUTE!! 'happy squiggle dance' You're words don't make me happy a all, asshole! Asshole!**

**OPFan: … er, Chopper, mind not calling the readers assholes? They're the ones who give the reviews…**

**Oh, okay! The X on my hat… I've never really thought about it before. It may be like the Red Cross sign, only like, in an X and white… 'starts sweating' um…**

'**awkward silence'**

**I'M NOT CUTE, ASSHOLE!!**

**OPFan: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THAT!?!?**

'**screams and runs to hide on the wrong side of the barrel'**

**T-t-t-thanks for w-writing!**

* * *

CHOPPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, that is a lot of exclaimation points!! AH! They keep appearing...wait...it's because I keep using them...oh well.

Chopper, I just wanted to say you rock and that you look cute when you do your happy dance!! Also, I was wondering if you could cure my disease...it is 'supposedly' called Insanity!! I'm not sure why, but symptoms include this strange white jacket that I've been wearing lately...it's really warm, but I can't move my arms...so...see ya later!!

Much love,

Da Tiger-meister

**Dear Da Tiger-meister/ Tiger-the-great-Xtra,**

**I DO NOT ROCK AND I'M NOT CUTE, ASSHOLE!!! 'happy squiggle dance' Your words don't make me happy at all, asshole! Asshole!**

**OPFan: 'sweatdrop' Chopper…**

**Oh, right. 'reads the letter and sweatdrops' Um… I'm sorry, there's no cure for insanity. 'pointing at Luffy' I've tried making it for him before… it didn't work.**

**Luffy: huh?**

**OPFan: Ahahaha… you don't need to know! … AND WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?! THIS IS CHOPPER'S COLUMN!!**

**Luffy: Hey, why does Chopper get a column and I don't?**

**OPFan: OUT!! 'boots him out the door'**

**Do you also happen to get put into a soft room while you're wearing that jacket? That's also a very common symptom for people who need to wear it. **

**Thanks for writing!**

**Chopper**

**PS**

**I'M NOT HAPPY THAT YOU CALLED ME CUTE! AS-**

* * *

**OPFan: well, I think that went pretty well! What about you Chopper?**

**I'm not happy at all that people called me cute! Not happy at all!**

**OPFan: uh, sure. **

**Luffy: I WANT MY OWN COLUMN!!**

**OPFan: WHEN THE HELL DID YOU GET BACK IN HERE?!?!**


	3. Edition 2

* * *

Dear Chopper,

I am suffering with a bad, bad cold. My nose leaks constantly, my throat hurts, my voice is losing volume, the mucus is building in my throat and threatens to come out of the mouth every morning when I wake up, and I tend to cough a lot.

I understand that as a doctor, you may know how I can stop this miserable cold. For it's been cycling in my system for years now, and modern medicine has yet to take it down.

From,

Super Hurricane

**Dear Super Hurricane,**

'**mumbles to self' Nose leaking, sore throat, voice loss, mucus buildup…**

'**flipping through his millions of books' 'still mumbling to self' Could it be a cold, or some form of unknown flu? If so I may need a blood sample to test, and create a new medicine accordingly to it 'mumble mumble'**

**OPFan: um… are you actually ever going to answer the question?**

**Huh… oh yes, of course I can cure it! Just somehow get me a blood sample, I'll need that. Until I can get back to you with your results, keep a healthy diet and exercise a lot!**

**OPFan: 'sweatdrops' a doctor till the end…**

**Thanks for writing!**

* * *

Hi Chopper,  
I am wondering if you ever played LoZ: Twilight Princess.  
If your answer is yes, then can you and Usopp defeat King Bublin(the green fat ogre)?  
If your answer is no, What are your thoughts about you being boiled alive?

Your fan,

Specter24

**Dear Specter24,**

**Eh? LoZ? What's that? Is it some sort of medical science?**

**OPFan: no… I don't know what it is either, but I'm guessing it's a roleplay game…**

'**reads the next question' BOILED ALIVE??!?!?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 'runs around the deck before running into a wall'**

**OPFan: um… I think we can take that as 'no, I would hate being boiled alive'**

**T-t-t-thanks f-for w-writing…**

* * *

Dear Chopper,

Aw. You can't blame me for trying to get cured! Yeah...I do get put into a soft room while I'm wearing the jacket...but I recently escaped...I MEAN I'M ON VACATION!!

Tiger-the-great-Xtra

**Dear Tiger-the-great-Xtra,**

'**wide-eyed' …GYAAAAAAH!!! 'hides on the wrong side of a barrel'**

**OPFan: 'slowly reaches for the telephone to dial 911'**

**Um, thanks for writing?**

* * *

**OPFan: That wasn't too bad, was it Chopper?**

**C-crazy p-people wrote t-to me and a-about b-boiling me a-alive…**

**OPFan: 'pats on the head' S'okay little guy, you're not dead yet**

**YET?!?!**

**OPFan: well, keep up the questions everyone!!!**


End file.
